June 10, 2013

My Recent Prayer - Renew In Me a Steadfast Spirit

I am really enjoying my fieldwork experience, especially all of my sweet patients!  However, I will admit that I have been struggling a bit with my emotions and my attitude throughout these first few weeks of fieldwork.  First of all, there's this creeping doubt in the back of my mind that I'm incompetent and that I'll never be a good therapist.  Then, there's the part of me that is so ready to just get it over and done with, and I find myself just wishing away the present to get to the future.  Some days I just don't even want to go when I wake up in the morning and I grumble about it in my mind.  

Since I'm enjoying it, I was having trouble figuring out why I've been feeling this way.  Thomas made a good point - I am so excited and eager for this baby to get here, and he/she will be arriving right after fieldwork.  Fieldwork is that one little thing that is standing between me and having our little family, so it's easy to wish it away thinking about the excitement ahead!  The other part of it is that I think that Devil is trying to get in my head to tell me that I'm not good enough to do this, trying to prevent me from living out God's will for my life.  

I was having a hard time getting my mindset in the right place last week, so over the weekend I prayed this simple prayer A LOT: 

"Renew in me a steadfast spirit." (Psalm 50:12)


Simple, but effective.  And I've just been saying it over and over again because I couldn't find the right words to ask God to get me out of my little funk.  

And sure enough, God answered my prayer. I felt so much better this morning when I drove in this morning and throughout the day at the hospital.  I have a feeling I am going to be saying this prayer over and over again throughout fieldwork.  I need God's grace more than ever to focus on enjoying and making the most out of the here and now rather than spending my time wishing for the future!  

Anyways, that's just what's been going on with me recently!  I am thankful for a refreshed spirit and hopeful that I will continue to feel positive about everything going on in life right now, not just the pregnancy! 

What do you do when you are more focused on the future than living in the present? 


12 comments:

  1. I could have written this (minus the prayer part)! Esp since I am in an extremely similar situation. Thank you so much for sharing that verse, I will try to pray it all day tomorrow and see if it helps me keep on keeping :)

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  2. Be gentle on yourself, too. Don't underestimate the effect that pregnancy hormones can have on your moods and general outlook. I am glad that this prayer has helped you find comfort.

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  3. Sometimes, I tend to feel a little overwhelmed in the present with taking care of little ones, my husband being in school, and just trying to make it financially.

    I try to focus on this important time in our life and enjoying our children, and not wishing they were older or so needy. I want to enjoy them, even though sometimes it seems stressful, I ask Jesus to help me get through the day and many times say, "Jesus I trust in you!" The Chaplet of Divine Mercy and the rosary have been a great comfort to me over the years.

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  4. This was just at the right time - I'm going through the highsschool to college transition and trying to figure out what God's will is for my future vocation. I'm feeling a pull to marriage and motherhood...but I don't want to focus so much on that that I miss out on what God wants of me as a single person right now. I normally will get some coffee, the Bible, and go sit out on the back porch at listen for His voice. My favorite Bible verse at this point is Jeremiah 29:11. He's got plans....and they are epic.

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  5. I also think that some of the fears going into a profession like therapy is that we see the need people have for our help, and do we really have what it takes to help them? Can we really be a good enough therapist to help them? At least, I know I have felt that way. Then I realize that they are not dependent on me for all their healing, and that I am just one part of helping them along the way. And generally speaking we get to be a big part that helps a lot and you will be great at it because you care.

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  6. Thanks for sharing this. As a teacher, sometimes I feel incompetent with my students, and I liked your outlook and prayer.

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  7. For sure scripture, God's word is the way to go to get out of a funk. If you can see clear enough to remember to meditate on it than it works every time. Sometimes I'm so deep into my whatever is going on that I forget to look through the Bible or a devotional and then when I do I feel His presence in such a clear way. Have you ever read the devotional 'Jesus Calling... Enjoying peace in his presence' by Sarah Young? Awesome devotional. And I think your husband is right... if your fieldwork is the only thing standing between you and your new little family it's hard not to want it to be gone quickly. Try if you can to soak up those pregnancy days. They are treasure filled days too. Congratulations by the way... tara

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  8. I think you hit the nail on the head. (So did Thomas). And your reaction was perfect. I was having similar thoughts throughout, well, the entire winter/spring. Last week, in adoration, I heard a voice saying, "one day at a time". Where I don't think that "verse" is in the Bible, I truly believe it was God speaking to me. I've been focusing on that one simple phrase, and the past week has been answered prayers: slow and easy and restful. This pregnancy is SO exciting, but know that it is going to pass incredibly fast. Hold on to today what you cannot have tomorrow. I know you realize that, but it really will get even faster. My little one is almost 17 months!! I still can't believe it.

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